ADVICE

When the family court is involved.

A guide to self-representation and Preparing A family court Case

For parents in the family court for the first time.

First of all, dont panic. If you stay calm, put forward reasonable proposals, and ensure your proposals are based upon your child’s needs you shouldn’t come out too badly. Keep to the important points, dont be unnecessarily combative, dont be aggressive and dont make false allegations.

Avoid the common pitfalls. Judges prefer to see reasonable people than angry and emotional ones. Dont overload statements with repetition and irrelevant matters. Decide upon what you believe to be a fair outcome, and then be prepared to compromise during proceedings where the compromise is reasonable.

If the other side is aggressive in court, dont copy them. Remain reasonable and calm. Dont go into court expecting bias, but if it crops up, challenge it in a reasonable way. If you go into court saying you want 50% of your child's time, without reasoning out why (beyond some notion of equality), you're going to struggle. If, however, you explain why the time you're asking for is in your child's best interests, and put this in context of arrangements that existed prior to separation, and also the activities you support your child in, then the court is more likely to listen.

I can reassure you that, despite fears, there are very good judges, professional social workers and helpful CAFCASS officers. We see far more good judgments than bad. Far more people leave courts feeling they got a reasonable outcome than did before. That said, it can be a bruising and long-winded process, so make sure you have emotional support, and seek counselling if you need help with managing the stress.

If you are separating or separated and arrangements for the children are in dispute, it’s natural to be anxious stressed and sometimes angry. Unrestrained emotions cause people to have poor judgment, and sadly, that can be devastating to their case.

Going to the family court without a lawyer

REPORTS

The first hearing will usually be a directions hearing. It may follow a disputes resolutions hearing. The judge will instruct social services,CAFCASS or if they feel it necessary they might appoint a child guardian who is usually CAFCASS to do a report. They will also ask both parties to do position statements. The first hearing will usually be over in under half an hour and you may come out of this feeling it was a waste of time after months of waiting for this hearing hoping things will change at the first one. At the next hearing, you will have had sight of the report that has been ordered. This report is usually a section 7. it is basically the basis of what the professional has been told by all parties involved. It is easy to think that the professional is deliberately lying in the report but you must remember the report is done having gained information from various people, sometimes including the child teachers and other experts who work with your child.

Reading a court report on your parenting and on the child, a parent can feel as if they have been caught in the headlights. It can bring on feeling’s of anger at all the inaccuracies and many parents react rather than carefully respond at this point. Some feel anger towards the author and they might turn around and just label the worker’s liars rather than respond with evidence to counter the inaccuracies. It is ok to counter each thing that’s been written incorrectly and if you have evidence to back it up all the better. You are in court and that is what court is about, getting to the facts whilst protecting the child. This is what I would be saying. Only the facts will help get the child the right support as trying to do work with a child with a list of things that are plainly untrue is going to cause the child to get angry at being told something they know is not a fact. May children then get labelled as uncooperative or failing to engage. Largely where this happens they will blame the parent and the reality is if you have not countered any inaccuracies carefully then you could be to blame here too. It is your place to safeguard the child and making sure any work done with the child is done with facts is paramount to the success of the work being done.

How to counter inaccuracies in reports.

List the wrong information and offer the evidence numbering it A1, A2, A3 onward. In your statement you say “the report says X visited, If you look at the evidence on page A6 you will see this is not so. However, I will endeavour to work with this as much as I possibly can to help things move forward and hopefully change things positively for (child) I have no intentions of not working with professionals to help to move things forward, however, I request that the report is amended accordingly to accurately portray how things have been up until now for our child as it would be wrong to expect the child to just have a relationship with a complete stranger through no fault of his/her or my own, only for this to be all put upon me to make that happen. Only with a true history will it be able to be moved forward at an appropriate rate for the child.” Use calm responses rather than overreact. When reading any report on you, your parenting it is so easy to react to. You have to take a step back show clam they want to see a parent they would want to put their own kids into the care of. if you react and say this is wrong with nothing to back it, all that is then is a reaction.

Dealing with recommendations that you do not agree with.

Once you are in court, if you have avoided mediation or it is deemed that mediation is not appropriate and you are now standing before a judge in the family court, you are in effect handing the responsibility to make decisions for your family to the judge and the professionals. They want you to show that you understand the concerns that they raise. If you stand and deny there is any problem at all then they will say you have no insight. Although it is hard to accept blame if you do not accept there is a problem you can end up on a slippery slope where they tell the judge that you refuse to work with the professionals. Your case is not here in this position before a judge for no reason and the only way to move ahead is to accept there are problems and to accept some of the blame. If your position is “it is all his/her fault, I did nothing wrong” or “I am a victim he/she is the bad one” or worse, “the court is corrupt, these professionals are corrupt” you will find yourself again on that slippery slope where you could lose your children. You are not in this court before this judge because nothing is wrong. I as the author of this article found this was the case for me and getting my son home and with every other case that has eventually been won. If a parent will not accept the part they played in the situation they are in services will be shut down on them. Sometimes it is the way we say things that makes all the difference

Finding of facts.

We have encouraged parents to accept the results of fact-finding over keep fighting and telling professionals and the court that they are wrong. In working with parents who would have lost their children to care, or a parent with care to the other parent or to a special guardianship order. We have found that the more a parent accepts the finding of facts results, even where they are absolutely wrong rather than losing the child to care prominently this opens the parent up to services working with them and the other parties to support their relationship with their child to a point that they have shared care with the other parties. This would be a far better result than the alternative where a parent protests the fact findings. This usually results in that parents having only limited supervised contact with their child until they are 18. During which time the child has become bitter and angry, as the other parent will inevitably have managed to share information with the child as a means to hurt the relationship with the parent. Accepting what the court has decided can lead to the “guilty” parent obtaining therapy and support. If they engage well most parents tend to end up turning their whole life around and becoming successful parents which can eventually lead to a change in residency in the long term if bitterness and anger continue to be imposed upon the child. The goal is always to try to achieve balance. If both parents can work towards the common goal which is that both parents can have shared care of their child as it should be then it is not one or the other that loses out but the child. All the child wants and needs is for two healthy parents to work in the best interests of the child to work to achieve that for him/her.

When it comes to fact-finding if you want what is best for the child then you will[ jump through hoops to achieve that, This is what a good parent does, despite their feelings for the other party for what you think they have done. The child needs both of you to be responsible and support the best outcome for the child not the best outcome for themselves and their need for the court and professionals to take a side, their side so that they can appear the good parent and the other the monster,