Advice-
What to do when the family court is involved.
In many cases parents find themselves in the family courts.
Most of us running this site have been through this ourselves. When this was happening most of us found there was no real help or advice for parents going through this. The only help was either mother against fathers or fathers against mothers. We want this to be parents against a system that is failing children and families. So if you feel there is nobody to turn to, there is hope. We can offer advice on representing yourselves and how to make the application to the court. We have parents with law degress and parents qualified in child psychology that can offer expert advice on getting a positive psychological report and a positive outcome for your case.
How a court works when there is a dispute between parents
After you apply for a court order
The court will arrange a ‘directions hearing’ with both parents if you apply for a court order.
There will usually be a family court adviser from the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (Cafcass) at the hearing.
Cafcass will send you information before the hearing - they’ll usually ring you too.
At the hearing, a judge or magistrate will try to work out:
what you can agree
what you cannot agree
if your child is at risk in any way
They’ll encourage you to reach an agreement if it’s in the child’s best interests. If you can, and there are no concerns about the child’s welfare, the judge or magistrate can end the process.
The court will make a consent order which sets out what you’ve agreed, if necessary.
If you cannot agree at the first court hearing
The judge or magistrate will set a timetable for what happens next.
They may ask you to try again to reach an agreement, for example by going to a meeting with a mediator.
You may have to go on a course if your case is about child arrangements. The course is called a ‘Separated Parents Information Programme’, and could help you find a way to make child arrangements work.
You usually have to go to one or 2 meetings, depending on the type of programme. Your ex-partner will not be at the same meetings as you.
If you reach an agreement at any stage, the judge or magistrate can stop the process.
Cafcass reports
The court can ask Cafcass to provide a report on your case to help decide what’s best for the child.
The Cafcass officer may ask your child about their feelings. You’ll get a copy of the report when it’s written.
What judges and magistrates consider
They’ll always put the welfare of children first. They will think about the:
child’s wishes and feelings
child’s physical, emotional and educational needs
effect any changes may have on the child
child’s age, gender, characteristics and background
possible risk of harm to the child
ability of parents to meet the child’s needs
orders the court has the power to make
A judge or magistrate will only make an order if they think it’s in the child’s best interests.
When it’s not fair.
Many parents come to us believing they will be the ones who will change this system, they will stand up and tell them how this is wrong and how wicked this is. If you have done this you won’t be the first and you won’t be the last who has tried. Many have stood outside the courts and their local council picketing whilst others have written directly to judges. If you want to be heard and you have an open case in the court you would be better off contacting someone like Louise Tickle and letting people like her speak up for you. Although there has been a change in the law about journalists reporting on cases thanks to the President of the family court Lord Justice McFarlane, (Link below) I would remain cautious as a person in these courts you must not reveal the names of families and children involved. I have seen parent’s land up in prison for fighting a judge on the basis of believing the decisions they make are wrong. The way they see things is where two people once loved each other to create children then the children have a right to have a love for both of these people who made them.
When a case ends up in the family court the belief is that every other avenue has been pursued before it lands before a judge. Once there, you are asking the judge to make decisions for you where you have been unable to make those yourselves. Once a judge decides something and you fight them then they turn against you and can threaten you with community service or jail. If you continue they have sent parents to prison so do not think you can be the brave one who can change all of this, many have tried and failed.
The family courts are at long last starting to recognise DV and how intimidating it can be to face your abuser in the courtroom but not nearly enough is done to help parents in this position. I as the author of this website have been there myself. There are also many cases where a mother makes things up to punish the father. These women need to be seen by all of us as the greater problem as it is they who make it that true victims are treated so badly in these courtrooms. Just as it is equally the deadbeat dads who play the victim in a courtroom where they have made choices not to be in the child's life but in court don't want people to see them as what they are. In so doing they are the ones who make it hard for the dads who are also actual victims in these courts. How you go about separating true loving caring parents from the others I can't begin to imagine. What I do know is this current system is not the way.
Journalists should soon be able to report on the detail of what takes place inside family courts in England and Wales under transformative rule changes that are a major win for open justice.
The head of family courts, Sir Andrew McFarlane, has announced a string of proposals following a two-year review into the transparency of family court hearings, which for decades have been held behind closed doors.
WHY ARE WOMEN TREATED MORE FAIRLY IN THE FAMILY COURT THAN MEN?
This is a question that we are asked repeatedly. The answer is they really are not. Many many cases come through our group where women lose their children. Remember that the professionals and the court test your reactions. Do not chuck your toys out of the pram when you read things about yourself. Read it and ask how can I change this. Every woman who has been through these courts are advised, just as we also advise you men that where the other party has told CAFCASS or social services things that may not be true, this will be written in that report. Don't argue with professionals over this and don't slag the other party off. Instead take steps to show that when faced with criticisms you can seek solutions rather than shout and prove them right.
There is a Facebook page that our admin Lorna has put together with hundreds of courses for every case scenario called escape (Escape - Evidence Significant Change And Parenting Education) There is our website here with advice and forms to help you navigate the family court without proving them to be right about you. And there is us Advice for families going through the family courts Every day we help parents of both sexes to try and get a good outcome for themselves. As do the other admins, moderators and members who have experienced this. The biggest issue with women in these courts is they overshare their story and the biggest issue with men is they spit the dummy and blame. Both sexes find themselves criticised in these courts and in reports. That doesn't mean the court accepts these criticisms until the judge does and even then you get a chance to do work to change. You may be asked to see your child in supervised conditions to observe your relationship with the children. If all goes well then this increases and very quickly moves to community-based contact, then contact with a family member supervising at your home then onto unsupervised. If you don’t attack everyone or let ego get the better of you, then you then start getting back to some normality. If they say zero contact and that is the final order it won't be without reason. That doesn't make it to the end. You can either start to make changes in your lifestyle and apply for contact later snd once again you will be asked to take this slowly beginning with supervised contact. Never be led down a path where you think this doesn't happen to women in similar circumstances. It does. Thousands of women have to have their contact with their children supervised. I have had to and our mums on this group have had to as well. You are not alone. You are not being treated this way because you are a man. You are treated this way because you are in the family court listening to things that the other party has said. Listening to things that professionals may agree with and also listening to things that the judge may have decided is true when you believe it to not be true. Many women have gone through the same. Many are advised to take it on the chin and accept this is what is decided and that it is better to accept that they believe this than fight them and instead ask how you can change this. Accept the work they want you to do. Accept the courses and accept any therapy they may ask you to go on. Most mums will do this over losing their children. The question is would you as a Dad do the same?
If you want to change your application
Use form C2 to change an application that the court is still considering.
The fee depends on what you’re asking the court to do. You pay the court:
£155 if you still want the court to decide your case through a court hearing
£50 if you and your ex-partner have agreed and you want the court to approve your consent order without a court hearing.
It is far better for parents to come to an agreement. Where this is not possible and an application is made to the family court. At this point, both parties must understand that the court is not going to take sides. They are not there to figure out who the good guy is and who is the bad guy. Their position is to attempt to make an order that is in the child's best interest. One, or even both may not agree with the order, but it is deemed that as both parents are unable to make decisions between themselves then the court must do that for you and your children. At this point, you relinquish your right to have any say other than have an opinion on what is best. The family court believes that it is the child's right to know both parents, The best outcome would be 50/50 care. Where this is not possible they will attempt to make arrangements as near to 50/50 as possible.
Generally, when there is a dispute between parents, they will give the other parent access to their child, this, of course, is naturally the right thing to do. The moment a child comes into the world both parents have the right to 50/50 care and shared access no woman or man, mother or father has greater rights until the couple split then the resident parent has only slightly more rights than the non-resident parent. A resident parent can remove a child from jurisdiction for up to 28 days without the permission of the non-resident parent.
That’s it.
A non-resident parent does need the permission of the resident parent. It doesn't give the resident parent the right to stop the other parent from seeing their child. If you go to court because you believe that your child is in danger you had better have some firm and strong evidence that this is so or the court will turn on you, and you will likely lose the right of being the resident parent, and the child will go and live with the other parent. It doesn't matter if you are the mother or the father the same applies it is completely non-bias.
Where things do change is where a parent can prove abuse has happened to the child/ren by the other parent. When this happens, the likelihood is the other parent will still have contact and generally, the court won't say what kind of contact. If the resident parent then stands up and screams “I won't let contact happen” and reacts badly to any idea of contact then the court is likely to believe the resident parent is the abusive party, so at this point, I recommend that you stay quiet and let the court decide what this contact is going to look like. You see, this other person is someone that the resident parent got into bed with and created these children. Unless it was rape, (which the child does not need to know or understand until they are old enough ) At one point they thought this other person was that wonderful that they slept with them an made beautiful children with them. Your children have a right to know the person you believed was wonderful, and not the person you later found out was some evil monster. If this person does drugs now, is not even capable of wiping his/her own butt, the court will decide on that but the child needs to know that this person his/her mummy/daddy who is half of him/her is a hero and not a drug abuser. The type of hero his/ her mummy/daddy once loved enough to make them. So I recommend the moment that a judge or a social worker or CAFCASS talks about contact, don't stand up screaming “but look at this person, look how bad he/ she is!” because this shows the court that you have no intentions of hiding the fact that little Freddy or Jemima was created by you and a monster who does harm to people including you. His/her mummy or daddy.
These children are innocent in all of this. If you sit quietly enough and have offered the court enough evidence what you can do is say, “given the evidence I plead with the court that you ensure contact can happen in such a way that little Freddy or Jemima will not know about mummy/daddy's behaviour and shady character.” This will then be heard by the other party who will be glad to hear that you do not wish for the child/ren to be exposed to their behaviour and character and have not poisoned the child/ren against them. It will also show a court that you have the ability to act like the adult and ensure the child /ren are protected from the problems the other parent is facing. At this point, it is likely that the judge will decide that contact must be supervised or even indirect contact and, in this incident,, the court then takes responsibility for that decision and not you, which will ensure that the other parent's aggressive behaviour will be aimed at someone else and not the resident parent.
The court cannot shield you from the other parent's anger if you are the one shouting "I will only accept supervised contact or indirect contact for the other parent and the children." Then the other parent will point at you and blame you and only you for the decisions. This is how it works and this is the problem in most cases where a case goes to court to try and make things better and ensure the safety of the children and the resident parent, but the resident parent cannot sit and quietly allow the decisions to be made without wanting to take back some control. Whether that's because they were abused or not, this is about the children and not a place for a resident parent to use the children to punish their abuser.